Seriously, I am no longer allowed to listen to the radio in the car. I heard a song on my way home for lunch that reminded me of my cousin and it brought me to tears. No one should cry over a song by SWV when they are over 12 years of age. Silly hormones. Although, the response was somewhat valid... the memory was from a simpler time, when I was about 12 and my cousin and I made a music video to the aforementioned song at an amusement park. It was the most lame video ever, but it reminded me of a time before my cousin developed a debilitating disease, before we lived in separate states, different countries even-- if she's still in Mexico. In short, a less stressful time. It made me wonder if I would ever see her again, since our grandparents are now both dead.

Like I said, stupid hormones.

I told myself that I wasn't going to be a preggo blogger who told the world about her trials and tribulations that come from being with child, but I give up. Nausea is just something you can't battle alone!

Pregnancy sucks. Especially for me it seems. No one else I know has experienced the extreme sickness that I have the pleasure of dealing with. My boobies hurt, I can't keep food down, I can't drink water, everything smells bad, I have a constant low-grade fever that won't go away, I can't get help from the doctor's office because they are incompetent...

Grrr. Supposedly this will all pay off in 8 months when I get to hold a sweet new being... but I'm not totally sold on that.

Just kidding! My wedding will be September 13. Someone (me) forgot to consider K-State home football games when planning my wedding. They really do control EVERYTHING in this town. Um, so yeah, save that date!

*hugs*

Dear LJ,
Sorry it has been so long since we've chatted. I know I've been neglecting you, but what can I say, I'm a busy girl. However, now that I have something of consequence to say, here I am, back typing with you.

So, I'm getting married! For real. Not a joke. This is not a drill. It's my turn. John and I have set a date for September 6, 2008. So kiddos, that's like 5 months away! I am SO excited!

In other news, I took my comprehensive exams this Saturday and feel like I did very well. I should know on Friday that I passed (not IF I passed) :P

That means graduation in May, birthday in June, and wedding in September. 2008 is my year!

Hugs and kisses,
Court

Ok, perhaps this is silly to use this journal to discuss my weight loss, but it's my journal damnit! I am currently at 195, only 20 lbs to go to reach my goal :)

In other amazing news, I have decided on my thesis and am going to turn in my program of study soon. I feel like such an adult. I guess I really am a grad student! If things go as planned, I will be graduating next May... Damn. It seems like it hasn't been long enough. Anyways, I am off to get ready for work.

Just some info, Antigone By Sophocles is being performed in Lawrence on April 5-8. I am totally going! Plays rock!

198!!! I've hit under 200 lbs! I have not weighed under 200 in over a year. This is HUGE for me. I have lost 10-12 lbs since I was in California... SO happy!!!!! First goal: CHECK!!!

Is it possible to be intellectually turned on?

Yesterday I was not happy because I received what I felt was less than polite help at the inter-library loan desk at Hale. Of cource the articles I REALLY needed were not readily available to my school and then the lady was grouchy...

Much to my surprise, my articles were waiting for me in my e-mail when I woke up this morning! I should take those ladies some cookies. They made my day! I have about 1/3rd of my paper done, which is awesome. I am giving myself a deserved break and then I will write more of it later. Finding an interesting topic with useful research makes papers so much easier. HOORAY!

Decidedly Perverted You are 25% pure!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on purity

Link: The 100 Point Sexual Purity Test written by ocicat on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

I *heart* Olive Garden. That is all.

Usually I am really excited about Fridays, but not today. Most of my buddies live in the residence halls, so they'll be gone this coming week, starting today. Pooh. Plus I have to go to work today, and I dislike work on Fridays cuz we get our large shipments. I am hoping UPS will be late and it will come as I am leaving or after I have left. I can dream, can't I?

In other news, I have an ab. Not abs, not a 6-pack. I currently have one defined ab. This should help me stay motivated. I think I will name it Stan. Hooray for Stan the ab!

So, it's been a couple days since I posted... See! I am no good at this.
Since I have been home I've started a new eating schedule (I don't believe in diets, cuz diets don't work) and I have been working out too. It's about time. There's no reason for me to be 205lbs. Yes, I just disclosed my weight on the internet... Gotta be honest, right? So, hopefully I will be able to stick with these new lifestyle choices.

In other news, I love my job. I have the best job ever! I sell books and get a kick ass discount when I buy them for myself. I heart books.

I have also been offered a summer staff position at KSU. I am excited that I will have something to look forward to this summer, but I am still waiting to hear on a couple other jobs... Like Syracuse and Santa Cruz, or a grown-up job at KSU that I applied for.

I love my degree program too! I am finally doing something that will yield a job, a very specific job, but a job I will love! College Student Personnel Services sounds kinda lame, but I love it and can't wait till I am an academic advisor so I can help students get the most out of college.

Speaking of college, I am SUPER excited that Chelsea will be coming back to KSU to get her masters!!! I want to be close again and take over this town! We will rule the world... if she'll still hang out with me ;)

My friend Liam wants to come out to visit next month, which I am excited about. I hope he can come and enjoy the little apple.

Anyways, off to work! Have a good day all!

I’ve never been any good at keeping a consistent journal. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to. I would love to have an autobiographical record of memories, ramblings, and thoughts to read and reread at a whim. Unfortunately, I have never been able to keep it going for more than a few days. But here I am trying once again to start…

California is a land of beauty and diversity, but is shadowed around every corner with sad memories and pain. I enjoy going back to visit family and friends, but when left to my own devices my recollections turn dark and full of hurt.

This trip was different. I came on my own terms. I did what I wanted, when I wanted to. I chose my own lodging, rented a car, and made plans for activity on my time. I guess I finally felt like an adult

I met up with my grandpa and aunt for lunch on Friday after I rented my car, which I must mention was a brand new Mustang convertible. We had a nice lunch at Francesco’s where I had my requisite raviolis. The conversation was bland, but knowing that being there with them was comforting somehow. After lunch we went back to their house. As full as a place can be with inanimate objects collected from a multitude of places over many years, the house felt uncomfortably empty to me. My grandmother passed away a couple years ago and it hasn’t been easy for me to be in that house without her. Thinking of her brings up so many issues and questions. She was my last link to who I am, genetically speaking. With my mother deceased, she was my closest living blood relative. Unfortunately she was so tight-lipped about personal history, there are so many things I will never know about my family. I know who I am and I love my life. I believe that family is made up of those who love and care about you unconditionally, regardless of where you came from. My dad and his side of the family chose to accept me, even though they have always known that I wasn’t of them. For this I am eternally grateful because their love and support has allowed me to thrive and flourish in my own skin and has helped me become the eccentric academic I am today. But I digress. Sitting and talking with my grandpa was challenging, but being in close proximity to him was comforting. He and my aunt have both become increasingly more bigoted as their ages increase. I had to smile and nod at their ignorant and appalling statements of “fact”. The words that came from their mouths so easily made me realize how far my love can actually stretch.
After I left their house I went to a local coffee bar to seek solace in tea and complimentary Wi-Fi access. After an hour or so of chatting with friends online, I went to meet Jeff.

I met Jeff in 8th grade. We only had one class together, French. I don’t know what I found compelling about him. We didn’t have hardly anything in common besides perhaps the raging hormones of thirteen year-olds. Somehow, thanks to the wonders of the internet, Jeff and I have stayed in contact. We usually meet up for coffee or dinner when I come into town to see my family. This time was different though. Without the watchful eye of his parents, we spent the whole evening together. This involved dinner and drinks at a Tex-Mex place and then volumes of conversation about old, embarrassing recollections. It was a good time.

On Saturday I met back up with my grandpa and aunt. I decided that I could spend the day with them and go with their schedule, despite the mental anguish. My cousin joined us for the day as well, which was an increased stress due to her mostly physical handicap. So off we went to Pier 29 restaurant where I enjoyed a scrumptious lunch of fish and chips. There was idle banter and I helped my cousin cut up her food so she could eat. It made me happy to be there with them. My grandpa used to refuse to go out with my cousin because he felt embarrassed by her condition. I was glad to see that this had changed for the better. After lunch we went on their regular random errands as determined by my grandpa. We toured Beverages and More (BevMo), so he could get a variety of liquors for the bar he had recently given to one of my cousins. He ended up spending over $300 on booze that he would give away. This included a bottle of Louis XIII, which was no larger than a tiny bottle of perfume with a price tag that was higher than many of my bi-weekly paychecks. To each their own, I suppose.

When we got back to the house I was, as usual, asked to do a battery of simple random tasks that needed doing. I wrapped a few birthday gifts, hooked up their DVD player, wrote simple step-by-step directions for its use, and reset clocks for the time change. I don’t mind doing these little things for them because I know it makes their lives easier. From their dirty spectacles to their age-impaired driving, I often wonder how they survive from day to day. I guess there is something to be said for the perseverance of the aged.
When I left them I went to my hotel and took a short rest. I called up my friend Liam who I had made arrangements to meet for dinner. I was really excited to be able to see him again. We had been inseparable from the time I moved into the neighborhood in 4th grade until we moved when I was in 7th grade. I saw his house as an escape from my mom and stepdad and the general confusion of the pre-teen world. When I went to pick him up he greeted me outside with a big hug. Even though we hadn’t seen each other in about ten years, it was like things had hardly changed. His mom and younger brother, both of whom I was also very close to were there as well. His mom grilled me about my current life and what I had done since I moved out of the neighborhood. Liam and I decided to go out to Union City where there were many restaurant choices. Because of wait times, we ended up at Chili’s where we enjoyed a good meal and great conversation accompanied by good drinks. After dinner we drove around Alameda and went to the old Naval Air Station. We sat by the water, looking across the bay at San Francisco and the Bay Bridge with our voices and the sound of the water lapping on the rocks as the only noise. After, we decided to go bar hopping a little. It was fun, but seemed odd to me since I had lived in this city for most of my life and had never been to any bars. We had a few more drinks and chatted up a storm about old things and new things. It was ridiculously comfortable being with him again, like our bond of friendship had never been broken despite the years and miles. Generously tipsy, we managed to get back to the hotel where I let him crash. We watched horrid late night television and laughed up a storm. In the morning we went out to breakfast where I had my favorite Swedish pancakes. Since I had nothing planned, we decided to spend the day together. We went back to his house so he could change and then we took his car out. While it was awesome for me to have rented a Mustang convertible, Liam has a pimped-out Mustang Cobra that made me drool when it rumbled. I don’t know much about cars, but it was so hot. We drove around for a bit and then went out to Berkeley. We took my usual walk through the UC campus and up and down Telegraph Avenue. We looked at the venders’ wares and went in cool stores. Of course, I bought a gardenia from the flower lady, which I sniffed until it fall apart. We went back to Alameda and watched some T.V. at his house until it was time for me to meet up with my brother for dinner. Sometimes I think websites like Facebook and My Space are silly, but without them I would not have found my friend and had this amazing visit.

I met Dave, Gina, and her son at Juanita’s for dinner. There was idle chitchat and great food. It makes me feel so good to see my brother so happy. I took Gina’s son for a ride in the Mustang, for which he was very grateful. After we said our goodbyes, I went over to say goodbye to grandpa and my aunt. I was there only a few minutes, but it made me sad to leave them. I got my hugs and left for the hotel, where I finally got some good sleep. It’s always nice to go places, but somehow it is always nicer to go back home.

hi. i am starting a live journal today. i need a piece of the internet to call my own and i am sick and tired of xanga. more to come later...

isn't this just TOO cute?!?